Cowboys, Nancy Boys and Po' Boys: Random Musings for 11.18.10

Some random musings as I dream about the Oyster Po Boy I’m going to be devouring in a few days . . .

Have you noticed all the trick plays that have been popping up on YouTube and elsewhere? Hell, the other night Ohio State coach Jim Foster called a fake timeout, the LSU's girls started walking to their bench, and a Lady Buckeye made an uncontested layup. God knows I'm old school, but is that really how you want to win a game? By pulling a fast one on your opponent? Am I stupid to think a win has more meaning if you actually outplay somebody head-to-head on the court? Has the world gone crazy? Am I asking too many questions? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why is LeBron so pissed? Why can’t he understand the reaction of fans who now view him as an egotistical, immature, spoiled, self-centered multi-millionaire? How can he not see this? Why does he feel so put-upon? I’ll tell you. Because he’s surrounded by back-patting, glad-handing, blood-sucking leeches who hang on his every word and crack up at every joke he tells. Bron-Bron can do no wrong, kids. Ever see that Elvis documentary where they film everything, including a bunch of behind the scenes stuff? You know, where Elvis mumbles some lame joke and everyone in the room acts like he’s fucking brilliantly hilarious? That’s LeBron’s life.

And I know the Heat will end up winning 55 games but it sure is fun watching them struggle early, ain’t it? People are finally figuring out that it takes a TEAM to win basketball games. Remember the Lakers of a few years ago with Kobe, Shaq, Karl Malone and Gary Peyton? How soon we forget.

Finally, when I got over my disappointment and anger it wasn’t surprising that LeBron “took his talents to South Beach.” In the culture of AAU isn’t that what you do? Just go to the team with the best players? Sure, Michael, Magic and Larry would have never made “The Decision,” but that’s why they’re in the rare air that LeBron will never, ever, breathe.

On a related note, I recently read that within 15-20 years high school athletics will cease to exist as we know it, that everything will be club sports similar to AAU. Sadly, this makes perfect sense to me. School administrators will love it because they’ll have no equipments costs, no transportation costs, no liability, and best of all no bitching parents. Parents will love it because every kid will have a team and, best of all, nobody will get cut. Billy’s not good enough to make the AAU All-Ohio Red Squad? No sweat. Billy’s dad just starts his own team! Hell, he played on his intramural team, he knows basketball! And just think, none of those annoying High School Athletic Association’s “Rules & Regulations” to worry about. Everybody will be better off without having to get worked up about, you know, getting passing grades or behaving on the court, silly stuff like that. After all, it’s all about “having fun out there,” right?

Good Lord.

Oh, I know Mike Vick is playing great, everybody deserves a second chance, blah-blah-blah. Bottom line, I love watching great athletes but I also hate people who kill and torture dogs. Sorry, but throwing dogs in water, electrocuting them and watching them die is not my idea of a bitchin’ time. You gotta remember, I’m a guy who still can’t think of his little Scottish Terrier without tearing up, and she passed over 2-years ago. Guess I’m a softie. Screw you Vick.

And how ‘bout them Cowboys? They absolutely blow their first seven games and suddenly remember how to play a few days after getting a new coach? Them Cowboys must be a fragile bunch. I’ve never liked Wade Phillips, but his team quit on him, simple as that. Or are we supposed to believe that Jason Garrett’s game-plan and new “disciplined” approach made the difference? Don’t think so. They simply decided to play.

You know who makes me sicker? The Bengals. Marvin’s laid-back approach is killing me, and Carson Palmer is acting just like his head coach. What I’d give to see him grab Ocho Stinko by the facemask and tell him to get the hell off the field. This “professional” and “business-like” approach has got to go. Get pissed for once, dammit.

Don’t even get me started on Brett Favre, Randy Moss or Albert Haynesworth. Jesus.

I have no idea what to think of the football Buckeyes. I don’t know if they’re any good or not. None.

Most of you know I coached a team from Montserrat that visited the USA last month. It was a hell of a week, lemme tell ya. I’m in debt forever to Coach Tressel and all he did for the team. The tour of the Woody Hayes Center, Ohio Stadium, weight facility, meeting Terrelle Pryor, private 30-minute talk to the team from Coach, it was just an unbelievable, once-in-a-lifetime experience for the guys. Add the visit to OSU hoops practice, West Virginia practice, and all the games played and the dinners attended and it was unforgettable for all involved.

Speaking of hoops, I’ve watched both OSU and WV practice and I’ll say this – WV is underrated (look out for Kevin Jones!) and, although they’re ranked #5, so may be the Buckeyes. They’re deep and very talented.

How sad am I for Greg Oden? Very. I hated to hear the news of his latest injury. Still, you can call me a fool but I still think he’s going to be an impact player in the league someday. Then again, I also was convinced LeFraud was going to stay in Cleveland.

That’s it, I’m out. As of next week I’m taking my talents to the Outer Banks. That Po Boy awaits.

Diva wide receivers. Who needs 'em?

From Doc down in Cincy. By the way, I've been saying this exact same thing for years.

Now that the Randy Moss, how-boorish-can-I-be tour has settled in Nashville like a yard full of moles, it's time to shatter a few NFL myths, starting with Moss and the position he plays.

It's amazing the time, money and babysitting some clubs will spend on their wide receivers, given that wide receiver is the easiest position to fill in the NFL, and the least important to winning. You'd think Moss and his diva receiva brethren were left tackles or edge rushers, given the attention they're afforded.

Because the NFL is about conventional wisdom, and because its coaches generally see creativity as a threat to life as we know it, myths live on: The wisdom of punting, for example. That establishing the run is vital to winning. That great wideouts are important.

Mostly, punting is a white-flag waste of time and an expression of coachly timidity. If your team is behind in a game and outside its 30-yard line, it should never punt. Especially if your team is playing the way the local team is playing now. When you are 2-5 and all but statistically out of the playoff picture, what do you have to lose by using all four downs? Another game?

Think of how an offensive coordinator's playbook would expand if 3rd-and-6 were the new 2nd-and-6. Imagine the massive migraines that would provide a defensive coordinator, whose calls are heavily influenced by what plays the other guys tend to run in certain situations.

Imagine giving Peyton Manning 25 percent more snaps, every game.

But we digress.

Establishing The Run has little to do with winning games, and never has. Winning NFL teams win by throwing, not running. Don't believe me. Believe a guy who crunches stats for fun and profit. My pal Kerry Byrne runs the website coldhardfootballfacts.com. He says teams owning the highest average yards per pass attempt win big. Always have.

Otto Graham has the highest yards-per-throw average ever, 8.62. He also has the highest winning percentage among quarterbacks, ever, .810. Graham's career record was 57-13-1. The modern parallel is Ben Roethlisberger, who will be here Monday night. Big Ben, says Byrne, has the highest YPA in the NFL in the last 50 years.

“If you have a high average per attempt, you're going to win. Period,'' says Byrne.

That wouldn't seem to square with the argument that high-price, high-maintenance wide receivers - Byrne calls them “hood ornaments'' -- aren't vital. But it does. It only requires deeper crunching of the numbers. Football coaches aren't big on that. Unlike their baseball brethren - who use stats as a crutch - football coaches rely on conventional wisdom. They look back.

“Football is dominated by conventional wisdom,'' Byrne says, “and a lot of conventional wisdom is flat-out wrong.''

A deeper look at the numbers reveals that teams with great quarterbacks win big. Receivers are incidental. Name Tom Brady's wideouts when New England was winning three Super Bowls, win fabulous prizes chosen just for you.

While you're at it, name two wide receivers from last year's Super Saints team. Name one.

Byrne mines deeper history. The notion that the Bill Walsh 49ers could not have dominated without Jerry Rice is false. The Niners' greatest year - 15-1 in 1984, a Super title - came when Rice was at Mississippi Valley State. Joe Montana's favorite target was Roger Craig. He was a halfback.

As Byrne writes, “Rice didn't make the 49ers winners. The 49ers made Rice a winner.''

The assumption that Pittsburgh achieved greatness in the 70s on the talents of Lynn Swann and John Stallworth? Sorry. The Stillers dominated the decade with exactly one 1,000-yard season from a wideout, Stallworth in '79. In his nine NFL seasons, Swann averaged just 607 yards a year.

Even now, Roethlisberger's impressive YPA is not because he has had Pro Bowl wide receivers. Hines Ward is a very good player. He's not Randy Moss.

Michael Irvin? The “playmaker''? He caught 10 TD passes in a season just once.

And so on. Randy Moss' presence did not equal a Super Bowl title for New England in 2007, when the Pats went 16-0 in the regular season. In the Tom Brady Era, the Patriots are 12- 2 in the postseason without Moss, and 2-2 with him. Receivers might be the drama kings of the NFL. They might own the highlights portion of the program. Like Moss, they might get more chances to preen their feathers than their worth.

When it comes to winning, wide receivers are way down the list of must-haves. Something to ponder on Monday night, in case a couple of the local wideouts get a little, you know, carried away.

10 Most Disappointing Teams of 2010. We're #3! We're #3!

From The Shutdown Corner:

The 10 most disappointing NFL teams of 2010

By Shane Bacon

1.) Dallas Cowboys (1-6): A playoff team a year ago, the Cowboys have had nearly the perfect storm in terms of falls from grace. The most popular sports team with no real answer to the problem, star quarterback and heartthrob hurt during the season, entire fan base up in arms about the struggles, and to boot, the Super Bowl being played at their stadium this season, when everyone was penciling them in to be a part of the festivities. Also, when a team has my dad mumbling on the phone to me, "I just have never seen anything like it," you know it's bad. The Cowboys could end the season with two wins, and at this point, that might be a stretch.

2.) Minnesota Vikings (2-5): At least the Cowboys have the Brad Childress/Brett Favre(notes)/Randy Moss Show to thank for not making Dallas look like the only lost souls in the NFL in 2010. The Vikings have also had a list of things go bad, including a continued quarterback situation (because it isn't really a controversy) that is only made better because it includes one of the wishy-washiest players in the history of sports, who, to boot, is involved in a sex scandal with a girl that was made famous because she was caught on the sidelines of a Florida State game with, umm, a well-fitted shirt. Minnesota was 12-4 last season, making it all the way to the NFC Championship game, but continues to fire bullets into their own shoes whenever possible.

3.) Cincinnati Bengals (2-5): Have you ever gone to a high school reunion, and ran into that "it girl" from your younger years that just doesn't look as good as she used to look, but you still hold her extremely high in your mind because she was the "one you could never touch"? I feel like that's the Cincinnati Bengals, a team we keep thinking is supposed to be good even though none of their pieces really work anymore. Carson Palmer(notes) isn't even a top-15 quarterback anymore. Both "star" receivers can't do much to change the momentum of a game. The defense is giving up over 23 points per game. We've just got to the point with Cincinnati where we need to realize who they are (not very good) and stop expecting them to be who they aren't (2005 Bengals).

4.) San Francisco 49ers (2-6): Everyone's favorite sleeper this season, the 49ers define one of the easiest, but most forgotten, trends going on in the NFL; if you have no quarterback, you can't be consistent. It's OK, though. They're 1-0 in games played outside the United States, and everyone in San Fran will be so loopy from the Giants winning the World Series that they will hardly remember a football team even plays on Sundays for the next four months.

5.) Denver Broncos (2-6): A little high here for some because nobody thought the Broncos would be that good this season, but they did start the season 2-2 before dropping four straight, with the last two coming at the hands of the Raiders and 49ers. One of my favorite sneaky stats of this season? Brady Quinn(notes) makes more per salary year than Kyle Orton(notes).

6.) Carolina Panthers (1-6): In their six losses this season, the Panthers have failed to score more than 10 points in four of them, which makes people like myself who own DeAngelo Williams(notes) in a fantasy league jump for joy. Here is their current depth chart at quarterback: Matt Moore(notes), Jimmy Clausen(notes) and Tony Pike(notes). If at any time, one of those guys came trotting out to play for your football team, you'd immediately turn off the TV and go back to Sunday chores.

7.) Arizona Cardinals (3-4): Remember when I said that thing about the three quarterbacks on the Panthers depth chart? Larry Fitzgerald(notes) was reading that, salivating on his computer.

(Also, a mini-tangent. I live in the greater Phoenix area, and have for the last two seasons. When the Cardinals were thinking of building a new stadium, they had two options; one in the middle of the city, where parts like Mesa/Tempe/Scottsdale collide, and one in a place called Glendale, where only scorpions and Joe Arpaio have ever ventured. What did they pick? Glendale. Now, to "enjoy" a Cardinals game with friends, you either get someone to DD or spend $200 on a cab. Thanks for looking out for your true fans, Arizona!)

8.) San Diego Chargers (3-5): Moved quickly down the list with a big win last week against the Titans, but you still have to look at the whole of the Chargers season as a disappointment. They've lost to the Chiefs, Seahawks, Raiders and Rams, not exactly a list of teams that makes you run for the hills. While that win jumped them to 3-5, it still has San Diego looking up in its division at the Raiders and Chiefs, with two of its next three at Houston and Indianapolis.

9.) Washington Redskins (4-4): I'll just say this about the Redskins: If Mike Shanahan wasn't Mike Shanahan, and just some regular coach like Josh McDaniels, he would be getting the most flak of anyone in the league. There really isn't anything like pissing off two of your highest profile players to prove to people "you're boss." It just seems like when you're 58 years old, maybe taking the high road on a few of these spats with players could end up being beneficial to your team in the long run, but who am I to talk, I haven't won two Super Bowl rings 12 years ago!

10.) Buffalo Bills (0-7): Hey, if you haven't won a game this season, you're going to be on this list, even if nobody thought you'd be any good. I was really hoping for a tie in that Kansas City game last week in case the Bills went winless, they could forever be known as the 0-15-1 team.