Ok, ok, before you start in with the redneck jokes - I've got a case to plead here. No this isn't going to be a debate on stock car racing's status of being a true sport (frankly I'd rather debate cheerleading as a sport), but it is an attempt at enlightening the rest of you who still hear NASCAR and think toothless hillbilly carrying a styrofoam cooler filled with PBR. And since I'm hooked up with a couple 'o pit passes for Saturday's Nationwide Meijer 300 at Kentucky Speedway, what better time to convince you that stock car racing means put the pedal to the metal!
Let's take a closer look at the positives and negatives of NASCAR, shall we?
-While attending a NASCAR race you may be forced to sit with a toothless hillbilly carrying a styrofoam cooler filled with PBR
-Daryll Waltrip's commentary (including, but not limited to, "Boogity, Boogity, Boogity")
- Hotties scantily clad in "Race Girl" apparel create a distraction from the race
- Stock car racing emerged from the illegal transportation of alcohol in souped-up cars during Prohibition - how many other sports can claim to originate from a crime? Top that Doubleday.
- During every single stock car race, there is a real chance someone will be injured or killed (oh wait, maybe this is a negative?)
- How many other sports could Kenny Rogers play a star in?
- When attending a race, the engine noise is so deafening that you can't hear your wife complain about the heat, noise, or "Race Girls" showing thier boobies
- At the end of every race, the winner is met with trophy girls! Trophy girls??!! Think ring girls only soaked to the skin with champagne.
- During every single stock car race, there is a real chance that someone in the stands could be injured or killed by debris thrown from the track (oh wait, only positive if you are just injured)
- multi-colored flag waving
- they call their practice time - "happy hour" (how many NBA players would miss practice if it was called happy hour?)
- driver's wives
- you can take an nap in the middle of the race (not recommended during Bristol race)
- Richard Petty's hat
- "That's rubbin', and rubbin' is racin'"
- "Stroker Ace"
- and finally, it remains the only sport on the planet where you can carry your beer in for the show (and set up a camper if you like)
So there you have it. A scientific comparison that clearly shows that stock car racing is better than a bump draft on the outside of turn four on the white flag lap. Ever since I was a boy attending the dirt track races at Chillicothe's KC Raceway watching a 15 year old Jeff Gordon take 'em four wide into the checkers, I've known. Now you do to.
Welcome Race Fans.