Search the Shake!

Sorry, I've been out with a sore Cutler. Updates galore coming soon.

Heat Crunch Time Highlights!

LOL.

LOL.

25-years ago, Len Bias did this.

Get me this out-of-bounds play!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The NBA Playoffs: An Update

That's Joe Johnson of the Atlanta Hawks. Joe Johnson is a franchise killer, a canker on the heel of your team, and a locker room virus that has no cure. Joe Johnson is playing for a new contract somewhere next year. Joe Johnson will sign with somebody for a maximum deal next year worth well over 100 million dollars. Such is life in the 2010 NBA.

Currently Joe's team is being outplayed and outcoached by Scott Skiles and the undermanned Milwaukee Bucks. Although I didn't see this coming (see my predictions a couple blogs below), it's sure as hell fun to watch. There's nothing better than watching a bunch of immature, talented blowhards self-implode and go down in flames to a less talented, hard-working team. Love it. I swear this team started going downhill when Coach (and I use that term loosely) Mike Woodson inexplicably shaved his eyebrows midseason. Pure comedy. Here's my worry though. The Bucks beat Atlanta, only to roll over for the Magic who win in four straight. Then the Celtics, who are old but experienced, give the Cavs a battle and force a six or seven game series. We'd then see a rested Magic team taking on a Cavs team that is coming off a hard-fought series with the Celts. I worry too much.

On the other side we have some really interesting battles taking place. The Ok City Thunder are actually pushing the Lakers a bit, which is a surprise. No worries, there's no way LA loses this one. Denver and Utah are fun to watch because the Nuggets are as dysfunctional as Atlanta. Same story too. They're getting outcoached and outplayed by the Jazz. Phoenix is up 3-2 on Portland, but I have zero faith in this team because of their terrible defense. No way they get past the next round. Finally, we have the Mavs and the Spurs. The Mavs have a nust-win game in San Antonio and if you don't watch this one you're not a real basketball fan. And what did I tell you about Dirk Nowitzki? No team with him as their go-to guy will win a championship. Dude tightens up in the clutch, what can I tell you? The Big Weiner Schnitzel just can't get it done when it counts.

So, here's hoping for the Cavs, Spurs, Bucks and Jazz all to advance. I couldn't care less about the other teams. And oh yeah I'll say it again. LeBron ain't goin' nowhere.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Final NFL Mock: Spiller Slides; Eagles and Browns Swap Picks

1. St. Louis (1-15) - Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma- Despite the fact that Suh is the best overall player in the NFL Draft, the St. Louis Rams are in a position offensively where they are a franchise quarterback away from becoming solid at the very least. With Steven Jackson running the ball, young receivers with potential, and bookend tackles to look forward to, the Rams simply cannot pass up on Bradford who is extremely accurate and smart. Despite former top 15 pick Adam Carriker being traded to Washington, St. Louis grabs their franchise guy.

2. Detroit (2-14) - Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska- This is a no-brainer for Detroit. Suh is the best overall player in the draft, and while they may not want to pay top dollar for yet another top 5 pick, he’s just a can’t miss prospect. They need a lot of help on the defensive line, despite the acquisition of Corey Williams and Kyle Vanden Bosch, and Suh is their guy.

3. Tampa Bay (3-13) - Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma- Like the Lions, this is another no-brainer considering McCoy is just about on the same level as Suh. With the Buccaneers finishing 2009 being 5th worst in the NFL in sacks, and worst against the run, they need a big time presence in the trenches.

4. Washington (4-12) - Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State- The Redskins were tied for 4th most in the league in sacks given up to young quarterback Jason Campbell. On top of that former Pro-Bowl left tackle Chris Samuels is being forced into retirement due to a neck injury. The athletic, and quick footed Okung is the right fit in the nation’s capitol. With the acquisition of Donovan McNabb, you can bet that Washington is going to protect their new veteran quarterback.

5. Kansas City (4-12) - Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa- Kansas City’s biggest problem offensively was the fact that they just couldn’t keep their 60 million dollar man on his feet. Scott Pioli’s ties to Kirk Ferentz and the dominance of Bulaga make him a prized possession and the franchise left tackle of the Kansas City Chiefs.

Ranking the NBA Playoff Teams

Yeah, that's Joakim Noah on the beach with some chick. I post this because that's where he'll be again, in about a week.

So, the NBA playoffs have started and I again have something to watch on the tube besides Pardon the Interruption and Real Housewives of New York. How can I watch self-important, egotistical, name-dropping bitches yak about unimportant issues, you ask? Well, it's tough but PTI's not that bad. That Bethanny from Real Housewives though, she goes down real easy if you know what I'm sayin'. Meow. But on to the playoffs. I thought I'd rank the teams top to bottom with my pick for the eventual champion at the top, except I'll do it backwards. Wait. What? I just confused myself. Ah, hell, you'll see where I'm going with this. So, h-e-e-e-e-r-e we go . . .

16. Milwaukee. I like this team. Small market, play as a team, no real superstar, blah-blah-blah. Still, they have zero chance. Thay lost Michael Redd long ago and big Andrew Bogut went down with that gruesome arm injury, so they're in trouble from the get-go. They showed a ton of grit down the stretch but there's no way they get past a deep and talented Atlanta squad.

Sidenote: Marianne loves gruesome injuries. Whenever I see one on TV or Youtube I feel obligated to call her into the room. The conversation invariably goes like this:

Me: "Honey, you need to see this."
Her: "What now? I'm busy."
Me: "You've got to see this guy get hurt. His arm has snapped in half and is dangling by a bit of skin."
Her: "Ooh! Wait! I'll be right there."

At this point she comes in a makes me play the scene over and over several times before complaining that there isn't any blood involved. Not enough gore for her it seems. Marianne is a complex woman. And so it goes.

15. Charlotte. This is Charlotte's first-ever playoff berth, and no doubt their last before Michael Jordan screws them up with one of his Kwame Brown moves. Plus, I hear Larry Brown is heading to back to Philly, which should surprise nobody. By the way, did you know Larry Brown's full name is Lawrence Harvey Brown? Sounds like a small college. Also, just so you know, Larry has coached at Carolina (ABA), Denver, Los Angeles (Clippers), New Jersey, Kansas (NCAA), San Antonio, Los Angeles, Indiana, Philadelphia, Detroit, New York (Knicks), and Charlotte. That's really sort of staggering when you really look at it, isn't it? Good coach but even he can't get this team past the Orlandos.

14. Chicago. This team entered the playoffs going backwards, if that makes any sense. They have way too many characters on their team, guys like Noah who take the focus away from the task at hand. And that's not including G.M. John Paxson  and Head Coach Vinny Del Negro, who recently got into a near rumble over Noah's playing time. Oh, and they're playing the LeBron's in Round 1. See ya.

13. Oklahoma City. Yeah, Kevin Durant is a helluva player, everybody knows that. You know what, though? I'm still not sold on the notion that Portland made a colossal mistake in taking Oden over him. Call me nuts but I think there's still a chance that Greg Oden can be more of an impact player down the road. Is that derisive chucking I hear? Anyway, Durant and Westbrook make a formidable duo but they have less of a chance against the Lakers than a 20-year old college chick getting out of Roethlisberger's bathroom without seeing his schlong. Sidenote #2: At a bar the other night, a buddy left our table to go take a leak and as he was leaving I said, "Don't forget to shake your Roethlisberger." Chuckles all around. I'm hilarious.

12. Portland. Again, too many injuries. I know, they're currently up 1-0 on Phoenix and may even win that series, but Phoenix is about as dysfuntional a team as you'll find in the league. More on that circus later. As for the Blazers, you simply can't lose that many key guys and win in the playoffs. They've lost more players to injury than any other team in the playoffs, including Brandon Roy, Greg Oden, and Joe Przybilla. Make no mistake, this team is going to be one of the league's best over the next few years (plus the old Jail Blazer days are over), this just isn't the year they break all the way through.

11. Phoenix. What the ?!%$ you say? I hear ya. Phoenix ended the season at #3 in the NBA Power Rankings! How can they be this low? Well, lemme tell ya. Their two best players are Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire. Know what those two have in common? They couldn't guard Cloris Leachman with a pulled hammy. Stoudemire is probably the most overrated player in the NBA. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dunker and, uh, he's a great dunker. Love Nash and his toughness, but his defense is so weak he makes Jon Diebler look like Bruce Bowen out there. Bottom line? You can't hide a poor defense in the playoffs.

10. Miami. Dwyane Wade is a one man wrecking crew but he simply doesn't have the supporting cast to pull it off. Sidenote #3 - Who spells Dwyane like that? Was it intentional or could someone not spell? Sidenote #4 - Always loved it when Jordan would refer to his "supporting cast." Pure comedy. Again, unless somebody like Michael Beasley or Daequan Cook turn into Scottie Pippin it just ain't happening kids. Sidenote #5 - Just took a look at the Heat's roster and noticed that Udonis Haslem is making $7.1 mill per year. Sweet Jesus.

9. Boston. Boston's old. Boston bitches like my Aunt Bertha. Boston is a bunch of drama queens. Boston has an overrated coach. Boston has Rasheed Wallace. Boston has Kevin Garnett, formerly my favorite player who has turned into a chest-thumping, screeching, whining ass clown. I hate Boston and I hate their fans.

8. San Antonio. I love San Antonio because I love Tim Duncan, the single most underrated player in the history of the NBA. Duncan doesn't dance, he doesn't do spectacular dunks, he has no personality. What does he do? He wins. Yeah, he does it in a boring, old school way, but he wins. He also uses the backboard. Yay! I love Tim Duncan. I also love Greg Popovich because he insists that his players play the game the right way. Unfortunately San Antonio is, like Boston, old. They're old without the bitterness though. I'd love to see them make a run. They won't.

7. Denver. Denver has one chance to win the west, and that is if George Karl makes a triumphant return to the sidelines sometime soon. Nothing like the return of a coach facing death to make a bunch of guys with the maturity of 12-year olds (ahem - Melo and K-Mart?) to join together and win one for The Gipper. God I'm cold-hearted. Otherwise, like always, they disappoint.

6. Utah. Introducing my favorite team in the NBA. Well, actually I support Cleveland because I'm from Ohio and all, but man do I like Utah. Please tell me how Jerry Sloan has never, I repeat NEVER, won a Coach of the Year award. Waiting . . . waiting . . . that's what I thought. There's no rational explanation. The man has won with virtually every conceivable mix of players imaginable and has done it with with athletes the so-called Zen Master, Phil Jackson, wouldn't let sit on the end of his bench. Seriously, the man has run the 2-man game his entire career and has beaten the bejesus out of people with it. I would give my left nut to see them hand the Lakers a beatdown and advance. Sidenote #6 - Just kidding about the left nut thing.

5. Orlando. Sometimes I can't put a finger on why I don't like Orlando. Is it Stan Van Gundy? I don't think so. He's sort of old school and I like the way he coaches. Is it Dukie J.J. Reddick? That's a possibility because I always hated that guy. No, I think I know what it is. It's Dwight Howard's constant grinning, preening, and posing for the camera. I don't want to get all racial here but I think if I was black I'd be a little disturbed by it. It has sort of a stereotypical, black-face, grin-for-the-man feel to it. Plus, the dude just never seems like he gets it, ya know? Does he really understand what it takes to win it all or is he compiling those stats on pure athletic ability? The fact that he hasn't developed a true post up game drives me crazy as well. For God's sake, man, get a jump hook.

4. Atlanta. People will get all up in arms because I rank these guys ahead of Phoenix and Orlando, but I think that on pure athletic ability alone they deserve this spot. Josh Smith is an absolute beast. Dumber than a bag of hammers, but a beast nonetheless. Total honesty - Atlanta scares me. I fear them if they play Cleveland. Sidenote #7 - Just noticed that some 6'-11" cat named Zaza Pachulia is making $4.75 million a year for the Hawks. That sound you hear is Wilt Chamberlain's head banging on the lid of his coffin.

3. Dallas. Ah, Dallas. The following has always been my line regarding Dallas. No team with Dirk Nowitzki as its go-to guy will ever win an NBA Championship. Although I've softened on that a tad (just a tad), I still believe you can count on the Big Wiener Schnitzel to choke in the clutch. I know they've supposedly toughened up by adding some players, but since when does Brendon Haywood and Caron Butler toughen you up? Finally, Jason Kidd cannot shoot the basketball. I realize Dallas is the trendy pick right now but I see them, once again, gagging when it matters most.

2. Los Angeles. The Lakers played like the Clippers down the stretch, but when it counts they'll be right there, trust me. They are just too deep, experienced and talented at too many positions not to make it to the finals. I was hoping Ron Artest would implode at some point but, alas, it never happened. By the way, that dude's hair is disgusting. It looks like somebody puked up a mouthful of Fruit Stripe Gum on his head. Mercy. Kobe will not let them lose to anybody in the west, and Odom and Gasol are the perfect role players for him. Final thought. Before I die I would love to see Phil "The Zen Master" Jackson take over a team like the New Jersey Nets and see what happened. Despite the 10-titles, you'll never convince me he's a better coach than Jerry Sloan or Lawrence Harvey Brown. Never, damn it. Never!

1. Cleveland. Yep, I'm going with the Cavs as the best team and the team that's going to win it all. No big shock, I know. Still, let's talk about this. All I've heard is that the Cleveland franchise has finally given LeBron the team he needs to win it all. You know what? I don't think they have. I"ll even go as far as to say that you could put LeBron on most of the teams that didn't make the playoffs and they'd be sitting close to where the Cavs are now. LeBron's that good. Shaq? He's old and stiff as a board, nowhere near the player he was 10-years ago. Antawn Jamison? He's a nice player, but Scottie Pippin he ain't. Next game watch carefully how he plays defense. He doesn't. Mo Williams? C'mon. Shooting guards are a dime a dozen in the NBA. Put Mo on the Mavs and he'd be their 8th man. The rest of the guys on the Cavs are average at best. Having said that, I'm picking them because, as I said, I think LeBron James is that good. I think Cleveland will win it in spite of the rest of those guys and the fact that LeBron makes them w-a-y better than they really are. Final thought, and I'm dead serious about this, why don't they just go ahead and make LeBron the player/coach? He's extremely intelligent, knows the game inside out, and all the players respect him and would listen to him.  Isn't Mike Brown sort of a figurehead anyway? You know, like Reagan in the mid-80's? Isn't LeBron, like Nancy Reagan, actually running the show anyway? I'm not even kidding about this.

So there you go. I have a Cleveland vs Atlanta matchup in the East Finals, and a Dallas vs Los Angeles matchup in the West Finals, with the Cavs topping the Lakers to win it all and bring mass hysteria to the city of Cleveland. I can see it now, the parade travels through the city, stops at City hall, everybody speaks, then up steps LeBron. At that point he says something like this: "Thank you Cleveland! It was my dream to finally bring a World Championship to this city. And by the way . . . (pause for effect) . . . we're going to do it again next year!"

Hey, a guy can dream, right?

St Louis: Still Going Quarterback

With the draft just under 48 hours away, the St. Louis Rams cut ties with, injury-prone, Adam Carriker. Carriker was the 13th pick of the 2007 NFL out of Nebraska. Many thought Carriker to be the ideal 3-4 defensive end, while still being a guy that could shut down the run and get to the passer as a 4-3 under tackle. Carriker was sent to the Washington Redskins for a seventh round pick in the 2010 NFL Draft.

So did dealing Carriker make room for Ndamukong Suh as the first overall pick in the NFL Draft? Perhaps it did. The Rams were 27th against the run last season from a yardage perspective. However, stats also show that they weren't as bad against the run as most would think. Profootballfocus.com has them as the 14th best rush defense last season. The secondary and pass rush seemed to be the biggest problem in St. Louis.

However, Suh is a phenomenal pass rusher as well, and warrants the first pick overall for virtually any team. Don't forget that a successful pass rush helps out the secondary significantly. However, will one defensive tackle solve all of their defensive problems? Most likely not.

The debate since the end of the college football season has been Suh vs. Sam Bradford or Jimmy Clausen. Until the middle of February, most everyone had Suh as the first overall pick, being the best pick available.

The million dollar question is "Why wouldn't St. Louis draft a quarterback?". Many teams in St. Louis' position on draft day generally don't have the offensive situation that the Rams are 'blessed' with. You may ask me why I think they are 'blessed' despite being one of the most ineffective offenses in 2009, and I'm here to tell you why.

First off, not many teams drafting number one overall have a franchise running back like St. Louis has with Steven Jackson. Jackson is coming off of his 5th consecutive 1,000 yard season. Two of the last four seasons that Jackson has played 15 or 16 games, he's rushed for over 1,400 yards. He still eclipsed the 1,000 yard mark despite playing in only 12 games in 2007 and 2009. He's a workhorse running back who can carry the load.

The next thing to look at is the offensive line. While young, they have two potential bookend tackles. Jason Smith was drafted #2 overall in the 2009 to take over at the left tackle spot for Alex Barron who has disappointed in pass protection, and even worse with penalties. However, Barron is a very stout run blocker and could switch to the right side, while giving the left tackle spot to Smith, who looks to be a dominate pass blocker at the next level. The Rams didn't get to see much of Smith as he went down with an injury in the middle of the season.

Don't forget last off-season's free agent acquisition of reliable veteran Jason Brown, and the Rams have a respectable offensive line. The guards are what will hold the Rams down, but the Rams should look to find guard help in the second or third round of the 2010 NFL Draft.

The last aspect to look at are the wide receivers. Donnie Avery will be in his third season after having a solid year in 2009. Last season, rookie Brandon Gibson also made a small splash as a number two wide out after Laurent Robinson went down. Gibson had just five drops after being thrown at 64 times. The problem was the quarterback last season for the Rams. The last big piece of the wide receiver corps is Laurent Robinson who showed promise in his first few games after grabbing 13 passes. Robinson could be a very promising wide receiver. He a very good size and speed combo as well as hands of glue.

When you look at it, the Rams are in a very good position to draft a quarterback at number one. Many teams that are drafting with the first pick don't have a franchise running back, or a potential franchise left tackle. Looking at the Rams options of Jimmy Clausen and Sam Bradford, it's hard to tell which one they'll choose, however, it's looking like Bradford will be the guy.

Don't rule out Suh completely at number one overall, but with quarterback being the most important position on the football field, and given the Rams somewhat promising offense, they're in a good position to grab their franchise quarterback.

Monday, April 12, 2010

West Virginia Mine Tragedy Hits Home for Stewart, Huggins

The following article originally appeared on Fanhouse.com.

When 25 miners were killed Monday in the Upper Big Branch mine in Montcoal, W.Va., the tragedy brought back memories from West Virginia football coach Bill Stewart's childhood.

Stewart's uncle, Millard "Buss" Williams, died in a mining accident in April 1961. The summer before Williams' death, Stewart remembers as an 8-year old sitting down at the dinner table. He immediately noticed Williams' hands.

"I told him 'Uncle Buss, you didn't wash your hands very well,' " Stewart told FanHouse Thursday. "He said, 'What's on your hands is dirty dirt. You can wash that off. What's on my hands is 'coal dirt.' This is 'clean' dirt – I earned this dirt today.' I'll never forget that.

"Every time there's a mining accident, I think of my Uncle Buss. This is a tragic loss for our community"

The Upper Big Branch tragedy was the worst mining accident in West Virginia since 1984. On Wednesday, West Virginia basketball coach Bob Huggins took a helicopter to Montcoal and visited with the victims' families and brought food and other items. Stewart is in the midst of spring football practice with the Mountaineers and remained in Morgantown.

"I was so proud of Bobby, I wish I wasn't in practice so I could join him," Stewart said. "If you cut him, I'll bleed. That's how close we are. That did not surprise me that he did that. I'm so proud. That's who Bobby is."

During West Virginia's run to its first Final Four since 1959, Huggins talked about how Gov. Joe Manchin told him the Mountaineers' games were piped into "all the factories and all the mines because otherwise guys were trying to get off their shift because they wanted to watch the game."

"It's piped in everywhere in the state of West Virginia," Huggins said on March 25 after beating Washington in the Sweet 16. "Everybody in West Virginia [was] listening to the game or watching the game. That's how much it means to our state.

"And for me, having played there and [being] born there. My mom and dad are both from Morgantown. My dad grew up in Dug Hill. My mom grew up on Eighth Street. So I understand how much it means. And I think the great thing is these guys understand how much it means to the people."

Stewart said his Uncle Buss and Aunt Thelma had a coal vein on the family farm and discovered it "almost like Jed Clampett on Beverly Hillbillies."

"They took a pick and a shovel and opened this coal mine up, Uncle Buss and his bride," Stewart said.

The operation eventually grew to a 40-man operation. Stewart, 57, remembers as a young boy, cleaning and wiping down the ponies that went down in the mines.

"This is our heritage up here," Stewart said. "When I see a miner, I know his family and my family's cousins worked in the mines. I know how proud I am of them."

Huggins, who was born in Morgantown, and Stewart, born in New Martinsville, both said unless you're from the state, you can't realize the bond between the university and the state. The coach visited the families of victims Wednesday, bringing pasta and Mountaineers t-shirts.

"Athletics are everything in our state," Huggins said last week at the Final Four. "We don't have professional franchises. There's really no one else to root for. I think it's inherent. I think there's such a strong bond between the university and the people of West Virginia and it goes back generations. I can remember sitting on my grandfather's lap listening to West Virginia football and basketball games. I think a large part, if not all of the state of West Virginia, grew up like that.

"It's unlike any place that I've ever been. I think that once you go to school there, and once you become a part of it, you start to understand. The passion that the people of West Virginia have for Mountaineer athletics is unparalleled."

When West Virginia returned to Morgantown after winning the Big East tournament at 2:45 in the morning, they were greeted by a couple thousand fans at the airport and a couple thousand more fans at WVU Coliseum, Huggins said.

West Virginia senior forward Wellington Smith said the support the team receives is amazing.

"We have like 12,000 people come out just to see us leave to go on a bus," Smith said. "It just feels amazing knowing we're the focal point of West Virginia. And West Virginia basketball and football is the only thing that people really live for and thrive for. We just feel honored that we get the opportunity to make 'em feel good."

The people came to these hills for a better life. We are one big clan in this state ... everyone cares about everyone..

Bill Stewart, West Virginia Footabll CoachStewart said it stems from their pride in each other.

"To be part of this is something no one can know about unless you live and experience it, it's who we are, it's what we are," Stewart said. "These people came to these hills for a better life. We are one big clan in this state, whether you're a miner, a construction worker, a banker -- everyone cares about everyone.

"We don't have a pro team. We tell all our players -- don't you ever forget the pride of playing before the hardest working, God fearing, most wonderful people you'll ever meet in your life. That's what we are, that's who we are."

That pride overflowed for Stewart a couple weeks ago. Stewart and his family were in Myrtle Beach, S.C. for his son's spring break. They watched West Virginia's victory against Kentucky at Broadway Louie's, a sports bar. The win sent West Virginia to the Final Four.

After West Virginia's victory, Stewart, at the urging of his son Blaine, went up on the stage and led the crowd in a rousing rendition of "Take Me Home, Country Roads." More than 25,000 people have watched Stewart's singing talents on YouTube.

"I didn't sing it very good, but I sang it from my heart," Stewart said. "Ain't no one that could sing it like me. I sang it as loud as I could. I sang that for the people of West Virginia."

And since Monday, Stewart, like all West Virginians, has had a heavy heart with the tragedy that occurred in Montcoal.

"It hits home when something like this happens," Stewart said. "It hits you. It hits you right in the heart."

Contact FanHouse senior writer Brett McMurphy at brettmcmurphy@gmail.com or on Twitter @BrettmcmurphY.

Man, that chick beside me is smokin'.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

3:30 AM, after the Louisville game.

Today's Handshake Visitors