Search the Shake!

Sorry, I've been out with a sore Cutler. Updates galore coming soon.

Heat Crunch Time Highlights!



25-years ago, Len Bias did this.

Get me this out-of-bounds play!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Duke Vitale set to crossover, hoops nation cringes

Nah, don't worry. He's not going trannie on us or anything, although I just know he wears that Duke cheerleader uniform under his suit from time to time. Actually he's crossing over to do an NBA game on Wednesday. It's Heat vs. Nuggets, which isn't a great game anyway so this just guarantees I won't watch. Still, I can set the stage for you. Here's what to expect:

  • Lots of slurping and slobbering over certain players, most specifically Dwyane Wade and Carmelo Anthony, but especially Wade. Dick is one starstruck mofo.
  • A quick look at the rosters shows one Dukie, Dahntay Jones. He's sure to get an extra mention or three regarding what a "quality kid" he is. Oh, wait. Shaun Livingston was supposed to go to Duke but instead went straight to the NBA. He's sure to get admonished for that somewhere along the way.
  • Gotta have some Coach K references as well. The over-under is 3 by the way.
  • You'll get a minute or two explaining why Michael Beasley just needs some "time to adjust" and that everybody needs to "have patience" with him.
  • If Chris Quinn gets in the game, look out. A white point guard from Notre Dame is sure to be described as "intelligent," "gutsy," and "hard-nosed." Wait for it.
  • Chauncey Billups will recieve the full Vitale blow-job as well. He'll be a "winner," a "team player", and of course a "PTPer."
  • This was mentioned over at The Big Lead, and I agree. Our boy Daquan Cook will surely be admonished for going to the NBA too early and not spending another year at tOSU, refining his game.
I read an article about this latest ESPN gimmick, and in typical Vitale modesty, he mentioned that Kobe Bryant has always wanted him to do NBA games because "I'd never called one of his games." Gawd.
I admit I'm a bit biased towards Vitale because of my close ties with Maryland Basketball and all (those ties aren't what they use to be, since Billy Hahn, Dave Dickerson and Jimmy Patsos all left, taking my front-row seats with them). Anyway, my mind is forever poisoned after all the years of Duke pandering I witnessed.
So there you have it. Now you can save yourself a couple hours Wednesday night and do something constructive. Me? I'm going to try and catch Vern Yip over on The Learning Channel. Vern Yip is cool.

1 comment:

  1. Hopefully this new partnership with the NBA will bring an end to the Vitale-spoiled Hooters commercials. How can you make a commercial about hot women and chicken wings suck? add Vitale.


Man, that chick beside me is smokin'.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

3:30 AM, after the Louisville game.

Today's Handshake Visitors