A buddy of mine who was born in Detroit sent this to me. I thought it was worth a post. Pure comedy:
2009 LIONS SCHEDULE
September
13..................... Taft Junior High School
20......................Cub Scout Troop #101
27..................... Detroit Academy for the Blind
October
04.....................Dominos Pizza Detroit Staff (free pizza night)
11.....................Bloomfield Hills Senior Center
18.................... Eloise Mental Hospital
25.....................Girl Scout Troop # 353
November
01..................... Michigan Venereal Disease Clinic
08.....................Fraser Boys Choir
15.....................Korean War Vets
22..................... National Hospital Pastorial Ministers
26............ ........ Great Lakes Sychronized Swimming Team
SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME (should be a close one)
December
08.................... Detroit Tigers
** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **
All of the Detroit Lions Football Team are allowed to use steroids.
Lions will now be paid only if they actually participate in a game. (and then at minimum wage)
Coaching will no longer be necessary. (wait, that stays the same doesn't it?)
Fans will be paid to attend and given free beer and a place to nap. Once the fans leave the stadium they will be forced to take a Lions souvenir jersey with them.
***RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line. For all you Lions fans that have never seen this) it is still worth 6 points.
2 - The Lions will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 - The Lions will be allowed to substitute with band members at anytime.
4 - The Lions will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.
5 - The Lions will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.
** NAME CHANGE **The Detroit Lions will be changed to the "Detroit Tampons" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.
I'm dyin' over here.
2009 LIONS SCHEDULE
September
13..................... Taft Junior High School
20......................Cub Scout Troop #101
27..................... Detroit Academy for the Blind
October
04.....................Dominos Pizza Detroit Staff (free pizza night)
11.....................Bloomfield Hills Senior Center
18.................... Eloise Mental Hospital
25.....................Girl Scout Troop # 353
November
01..................... Michigan Venereal Disease Clinic
08.....................Fraser Boys Choir
15.....................Korean War Vets
22..................... National Hospital Pastorial Ministers
26............ ........ Great Lakes Sychronized Swimming Team
SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME (should be a close one)
December
08.................... Detroit Tigers
** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **
All of the Detroit Lions Football Team are allowed to use steroids.
Lions will now be paid only if they actually participate in a game. (and then at minimum wage)
Coaching will no longer be necessary. (wait, that stays the same doesn't it?)
Fans will be paid to attend and given free beer and a place to nap. Once the fans leave the stadium they will be forced to take a Lions souvenir jersey with them.
***RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line. For all you Lions fans that have never seen this) it is still worth 6 points.
2 - The Lions will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 - The Lions will be allowed to substitute with band members at anytime.
4 - The Lions will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.
5 - The Lions will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.
** NAME CHANGE **The Detroit Lions will be changed to the "Detroit Tampons" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.
I'm dyin' over here.
Interesting information I haven’t been through such information in a long time.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.tchuddle.com/