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Sunday, September 6, 2009

I Swear I Probably Definitely Didn't Want Sam Bradford To Get Hurt. (Musings From Most Of The First Week.)

Let me say this, as I'm deciding between watching the SWAC/MEAC challenge on the Worldwide Leader, or My Big Fat Greek Wedding on ABC family:

No one loves Texas football more than I do. Probably. It's either me, or Matthew McConaughey, and since I don't take time out of my fandom to make terrible movies that pander to disillusioned romantics, I think I win. And I've said some horrible things about Oklahoma football. Horrible things that I can't take back. Possibly some things about Bob Stoops' wife, and children (No....not really....I think.) And I know what some of you are thinking. "Oh, didn't Hanif say that it would be better if Sam Bradford missed the Texas game??"

Well, OK. Did I say that, out loud, numerous times over the course of the summer?

Yes. Yes, I did. BUT. I was hoping for some kind of suspension, not so much injury. Like, maybe we find out that Slingin' Sammy has a taste for undercover cops posing as hookers (do we call that the "Antonio Henton addiction"?), and right before the UT game, he decides to pick one up. Or, maybe an academic scandal gets uncovered that makes Florida State look like Harvard. But, not an injury. Granted, is me wishing academic scandal, or an unsatisfying evening with a prostitute (including the lost money, and let's face it! Bradford's a college student!) almost equally as bad as wishing injury on someone? I guess that depends on how you look at it. I think I come out looking a little better.

But, I will say that to say this: remember Bradford's reasoning for coming back to Norman. He wanted to make sure he was strong enough? make sure that he could "take the hits"? I'm not saying dude didn't get clocked last night. What I AM saying is that for a QB that virtually didn't get touched last year, to get laid down on one of the first hits of the new season, doesn't look good. Ideally, Bradford will be back for the Red River shootout, and as far as Oklahoma QB's go, I like Bradford. At least considerably better than Jason White and Paul Thompson (and Rhett Bomar, who ironically, was waived by the Giants just yesterday). Still, Oklahoma losing didn't break my heart in the least. And their offensive line, for you announcers out there, isn't "young and eager"'s a joke. Me and 2 of my dearest friends (probably female) could have broken through to get at least 1 sack last night. Anyway, high five the first Morman you see. Do it for me.

Moving on, I've decided on "Greek Wedding", because what can I say. I think Nia Vardalos is kind of cute. I do, and I know it's not popular. (It's at that scene where Andrea Martin is all like "HE DON'T EAT MEAT?!!?!?!? Oh, that's ok....I make lamb" shit, man. She's comic gold. What can we do to get Andrea Martin on ESPN gameday? She's got to be able to at least replace Fowler by this point.)

So, on to the first week of College Football, I won't even address Thursday. Except to say Byron Hout, get a stronger chin, daddy. I mean, I'm not saying he SHOULD have been sucker punched, but it happened. And he went down faster than a Rivals blogger on Tim Tebow. (Yes. I made fun of Rivals loving Tebow. Again. It's going to be a long season.), I'm all for a little trash talk. Just a little, you know. Enough to let your opponents get their juices flowing. But Legarrette Blount's cup runnethed over. Speaking of "over"....Blount, welcome to undrafted free agency.

In case I had forgotten that college football started yesterday, I was reminded at about 10 a.m., when I attempted to go to the Giant Eagle near my Victorian Village apartment, and I was overwhelmed by the full parking lot, cornhole sets, cheap beer, and Dave Matthews' first album. I can't lie, I have been waiting for this moment since last January. So, color me excited. Highlights from the marathon of College Football yesterday:

1.) My friend K.D., an avid Duke fan, began what he called "PAULUS WATCH", which pretty much only involved sending text messages updating every time anything happened in the Syracuse/Minnesota game (involving ex-Duke point guard/now Syracuse QB Greg "I should have taken Notre Dame up on that offer years ago" Paulus). Because, let's face it. I had no interest in that. I watched when on the first snap, the ball went over Greg's head, laughed hysterically as I was on the phone with my friend Maria, and turned to the OSU game. Later, at halftime, I checked in and heard him being referred to as Greg "The General" Paulus, despite the fact that the Orange were only up by 6, and The General had barely thrown for 100 yards. I checked in during the overtime, just in time to see The General throw a costly pick in the endzone, leading to a chip FG by Minny to take the win. K.D.'s final text: "Well, it's at least nice to see that the look of extreme failure that Paulus had after Duke lost in the tournament earlier than expected annually translates to football"

2.) Another friend, Jason touched down in Atlanta for the VaTech/Bama game, and I got a text from him right before kickoff saying, "Nif, I wasn't really into black women before. But, Jesus, man." Score one for racial harmony.

3.) JoePa's presser after Penn State looked impressive in the W over Akron's Zips. His banter with (Big Ten Network's) Dave Revsine, regarding his players putting in work in the offseason, in light of the Michigan allegations, ending with, "They BETTER have put some work in during the offseason. Oh, it's all voluntary though, Dave." (Revsine responded with, "Not everywhere, Joe"...which, while a tad bit unprofessional, was a gem nonetheless.) I think it just shows how sharp, witty, and enjoyable the old coach still is. He and Bobby Bowden are like your crazy old grandparents, you just want to wait for them to say something. They should have a joint interview together weekly.

4.) I got a call from my friend Robby, a large Oklahoma fan, (before the OU loss, and before he texted his anger with the loss, and then in case I didn't get it, wrote it on my facebook wall...) during the Oklahoma State game, and we agreed that the offense was a bit hyped up, but Dez Bryant is scary good. Dude is legit. 3 catches, and 2 of them went to the house. Texas' secondary....will have it's hands full. And Georgia won't be ranked by the end of the season, count on it.

5.) As far as Texas goes, they did what they should have, and Jordan Shipley looked good. That's pretty much all there is to it.

6.) The Big Ten. Sucks. I'm sorry, I know I'm in the grand midwest, but Michigan isn't "back". Tate Forcier is kind of cool though, in a discussion on the MSU Spartans message board that some of my friends up north showed me, a topic included the line: "Is Tate Forcier French??? did he bring some French girls with him to Ann Arbor ? Just askin' cuz I might try to get in on some action at one of those parties. I like French chicks." That's pure gold. Countdown until someone nicknames him "White Flag" Forcier. Michigan looked like a .500 team yesterday, and really, Minnesota shouldn't, with that veteran team, have needed OT to beat Syracuse. Yes, I know that B10 teams posted a 10-1 record over opening weekend. Doesn't change the fact that Iowa almost lost to the Northern version of themselves, Purdue plays no defense, the ONE team that lost was Illinois (OUCH.), and the less said about Indiana, the better.

All in all, I'm glad to be back in the thick of sports, aren't you all, Gents? Miami/Florida State tomorrow night. Seeing as 3/4 of Miami's team apparently runs a 4.3 or lower, I don't know how we'll even be able to see.

And now that I remember how "Greek Wedding" ends, I'm turning back to ESPN to watch Ole Miss/Memphis, and keep an eye on that one QB that transferred to Miss because he was scared to compete with Colt McCoy at Texas.

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Man, that chick beside me is smokin'.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

3:30 AM, after the Louisville game.

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