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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Winning 3rd Place: The Wussification of America Continues

Alright, I'm going to get right to the point. I've finally been pushed over the edge. For the third time in the past month I've heard the following words uttered in one context or another. Although different sports were involved, in each incident the conversation went something like this:

"Hey Mr. Shoe! Did you hear about our soccer tournament last weekend? We won third place."

Wait. What? You WON third place? What is this, some psychobabble bullshit somebody came up with in order to save our kids from damage to their self-esteem? Good Lord. You know, I think I first heard this senseless phrase last summer when some Euro Trash announcer proclaimed that some biker in the Tour De France had "won second place" in some stage of the race or something. At the time I attributed it to the fact that the announcer was French and the French are basically all gutless pussies who lose at everything. But, I guess I was wrong. It's a phenomenon that's caught on right here in my own neighborhood. May God (and Bobby Knight) help us all.

I really feel better now knowing that we won 2nd place in that '72 Olympic basketball game. And to think that for all these years I thought we lost. Whew. That's a relief.

Additional thought: Can you win 12th place? I'm just sayin'.

So here's where we stand, America. We have kids who are "winning" third place, Junior High games where we don't keep score, coaches who aren't allowed to cut players, teams in which every kid is guaranteed to get playing time, teachers who aren't allowed to give grades, parents who are suing little league coaches who don't play their kids, and soccer teams with 12 captains.


Doesn't anybody realize that by protecting our kids from any type of adversity they may face, we are preventing them from learning how to deal with that adversity? That only by letting our kids face and conquer their problems on their own will they learn to handle them in the future? Is it that hard to understand?

Apparently so.

Sorry to sound so bitter, but not really. Now excuse me while I go punch somebody in the neck.


  1. Actaully, winning third place is called earning a bronze. I'll panic when someone brags of winning "honorable mention."

  2. Great great blog. I'm coming back to this site often. Winning 3rd place? BULLSHIT!


Man, that chick beside me is smokin'.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

Imagine waking up and seeing this on ESPN. I look like I'm having a stroke back there. Good Lord.

3:30 AM, after the Louisville game.

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