Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Jim Tressel Just Wants To Make You And All Of Your Miserable Friends Happy.
Mercy. Boys, I could be overstepping my boundaries as the lone Texas fan on the Shake (it's Tech week, by the way, and I'd love for my friends to stop bringing up what happened last year in Lubbock.), but maybe everyone associated with OSU football should just stop having press conferences. First, the big homie T-Pain filled me in on the fact that I should probably kill someone, because, heck....everyone's doing it (Don't want to be left out.), and yesterday, Tress had a presser where he discussed some of the emails he's been getting from some of the fans after the USC loss:
"So, you know, honestly, the thing when I read some of them is I feel terrible for them because there's no way they're happy. They've got to be some of the most unhappy people in the world, and I feel bad because we just made them less happy, and I hate to be a part of making someone less happy. I mean, they're already miserable and to make them less happy, I'd feel bad."
Oh, thanks, James. This hasn't gone over well in the Capital city. First off, lose the sweater vest, bro. With as hot as your coaching seat is, you probably won't need it. Second, I wrote the book on passive aggressive behavior (Co-authored by Kate Gosselin, of course. That's right. While we're on it, I'm team Jon.), so I can see what you're doing here. "Some of the most unhappy people in the world"??? in the WORLD, Jimmy? Oh, no, yeah....there's villages being torn apart by civil war, widespread famine, and illness, not to mention Kanye West just flipped out on another unsuspecting award winner...but yes, those people that root for the Buckeyes? most unhappy people ever. Actually, I was down on campus with some friends for the first half of Saturday, despite my original claim that I was waking up early and getting as far away from campus as possible, and I didn't see too much misery. Unless you count the 19 year old chaps that got their refreshing beverages taken by the federales. Third, how kind of you to "hate being a part of making someone less happy", what are you, Santa Claus? Drop down the chimney, and go for it on 4th and short. I'm sure Tress feels miserable for making people sad, I really do. At the press conference, it even looked like he'd been crying since Sunday. But, it's not the fans that he needs to be taking thinly veiled shots at. Really, if we're being fair to the Vest, he's still, STILL, probably top 10 in all of the coaches in the nation. But, if he's this worried about the well being of the most unhappy people on Earth, try shaking it up a bit. You can't survive forever winning the big 10leven, and losing in bowl games, at least not anymore. My friend Justin insists that a really good Texas high school Football team could at LEAST beat Indiana, Purdue, and Northwestern. And the argument for Tress is, "Well, at least he SCHEDULES top 10 teams!" oh, OK. Well, sweet....that means nothing if you can't show up. Last year? Oh, yeah, Florida went undefeated, but look, LOOK...they didn't have the heart to schedule USC, and get thrashed.
I watched the game tucked away at (Columbus, Ohio bar) Gresso's with my friends David, and Steve, both mild-mannered graphic design students, who I wouldn't consider anywhere near the most unhappy people on the planet. And during the course of, and after the game, they looked completely shell-shocked. Imagine how Jessica Simpson looked when this went down. They probably looked worse than that. (The only thing that cheered us up was a drunken guy from Macon, Georgia who engaged us in conversation a bit down High Street, telling of his exploits of picking up women, including the line, "Fellas, I can't say I knew what size her breasts were, but they were probably in the D range"...God, I hope he got home safely.) I think the issue with this game, for them, and many other OSU fans, was simply that OSU played well on one side of the ball, and looked like they could win. But, errors on offense, and yes, with play calling shot them in the foot. If you're an OSU fan, and you tuned in late, at halftime, see that score, you're excited. But, that didn't tell the entire story. Look, I'll be the first (or, the 3,783th) to say it, Terrelle Pryor looks handcuffed. And it leads to mistakes, like the first pass he threw getting picked off and nearly taken to the house. He had a few great throws, but more that went into the stands, over heads, and into the ground. You know what the worst part of T-Pain's Vince Young comparisons? Jim Tressel wouldn't know what to do with Vince Young, either. Mack Brown pretty much took the reins off of Vince at the start of his Sophomore year, and let him just be Vince. It worked out well, if I recall jumping up and down and screaming insanely at the end of his Junior season. (Of course, now, Vince being Vince hasn't worked out so well. His throwing mechanism still sucks, even when he's making it Pacman Jones in Houston with Nelly.) Tressel stated today that he's still going to keep the ship going as usual, and you know, I suppose I can't fault that. Tress, by all accounts, is a stubborn dude, so admitting that he might need some offensive assistance may just be too much for him to handle. But, I feel like, and this is just as a second guessing observer (the BEST kind of observer), as long as he's calling the plays, and designing the offense in his image, they're going to lose more big games than they win.
And I still don't trust Michigan as legit (UPDATE: Tate Forcier is the best french Quarterback since half of Jake Delhomme.), but if a loss to UM happens? pssh. Curtains.
But, Buckeye fans are so unhappy by this point, I doubt they even caught the press conference. I think they're all in support groups, up until Saturday afternoon, that is.